The ups and downs of being creative

As a writer I like to think I am a creative person.  I write, of course, but I also paint, crochet, cook, draw and a few dozen other creative outlets.  Thing is writers, like all creative people, are emotional people.  We handle it in ways that others probably don’t but we all have ups and downs.

We all during our up times create like made.  In my case I write tons of tales that fill my mind with their cries for attention.  Last year I was in a major creative streak.  The sheer volume of tales I put up over the past year is clear proof of that but since the beginning of the year I have had to struggle to write anything I consider worth reading.  When a writer puts their works out to the world to be read it is a touchy thing.  We don’t get the immediate feedback that a singer gets or an actor.  We don’t get the reviews as quickly as an artist who puts their art out for the public to see and cherish.  No we play a waiting game.

Sales is one way to say things are going good.  Not the best in my opinion but one I was gladly having for a couple of month.  While my numbers are no where near amazing they were for me. And that made me a happy if a bit blocked writer.  I worked on a novel and a couple of short stories and figured I was just having trouble with the extra long winter we are having in Canada but then March started with all the crazy things on places like Amazon.

I have commented all ready about my frustration with them deciding to drop D2D books and having to relist half of my 80 odd titles with them.  I did that and was glad when it was done.  Then I went with the suggestion of another of my writer friends and updated all the product pages with information about my series and myself (that was the hard part!)  I was hoping with all those changes that I would still see the steady if slow sales of December and January and even the slightly less of February.  Now we move onto the downs and for them they have been tough.

First I woke up one morning to what I thought was a nice batch of sales.  Not a ton of one title but one of a bunch of different ones.  Within moments though the strange person who did this returned them.  Once is a mistake, okay even twice but in total so far I have nine purchase/returns with only three sales still holding fast on Amazon.  OUCH.  When I go over and look at places like Kobo I see I have had no sales at all on them and the same goes for Smashwords and D2D.  Again Ouch.

A little up was getting a nice review from a reader for The Traveler.  Very nice, blush worthy for me but then I lost some reviews.  Seems that Amazon thought they were from an editor or friend.    That made me more than annoyed.  I was starting to get a serious case of angry going on.   I am no threat to any writer out there after all.  My total sales since I started selling my work is still under 400 for nearly two years of selling.  Not a threat at all right?  I have a very small group of readers who have oh so generously took a chance on my work and seem to mostly enjoy the weird tales I tell.  So why are my reviews disappearing?  It isn’t like everything has reviews that are all five stars.  I have received reviews from two stars to five stars and I like to think I earned those five stars with good solid story telling.  Okay yeah I need more editing.  I admit that.  Someday if i ever come up with real money I will have a professional go over all my stuff but for now I am happy with my work.

But between the lack of sales, the loss of reviews, seeing so many writers who write the same way I do getting tons of reviews and me not and the lack of inspiration I am starting to feel depressed.  Something I despise.  In general I am a calm and quiet type.  I do have highs and lows but I am not like others who have a real problem.  A part of me feels like i am whining but I do wonder right at this moment why the hell I am putting myself through this whole thing?

When your biggest sellers have a total of between thirty and forty total sales and others who write the same type of tale tell of hundreds or sales and many many reviews you begin to feel total worthless in your self chosen job.  Should I keep trying?  Should I keep marketing and improving my tales?  Writing new ones, completing things in the works?  Or should I just give up, delete all the massive files I have and sit on the couch and watch soup operas, eating and getting fatter than I all ready am?  I don’t know.

I know I usually use this blog to lift spirits and give writing tips or tales about my works in progress but i really don’t know why I am doing anything right now.  I should stop whining, get back to doing something and hope for the best.  The sun is out, the snow, while still deep is starting to melt and maybe my muse will come back from her vacation in the sun.  I am going to try doing some drabbles and if I can come up with anything I will post them over on my Books by Lisa Williamson blog.

Forgive my attitude good readers.  Your tired, sad and depressed writer.


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