Whoa what a week!

I know it is only Thursday but how can I be upset with this week?  My sales have gone up from only 3 last month to 24 at last count.  I got to see a warm, fuzzy and chocolate colored bunny on a walk home from the store and now I just got an amazing review of my poetry from a reader!  Just a great week.

All of you who have been reading my blog know somethings I am not so confident about.  My poetry is one of them.  Like a lot of my work they are short and in poetry that can be a death knell.  People who write and read poetry are in my opinion a harder audience than book readers.  Yes science fiction and fantasy fans can be hard on you if your version doesn’t live up to their thoughts on the subject but many of them are willing to give new authors a try.  I wasn’t at all sure if poetry readers would be. 

My poems generally come out around 8 to 12 lines and are intense emotional pieces for me.  A way of getting pain, hurt, anger and depression out of my heart and head so I can go on being the me that helps and understands people.  Before I started writing poetry I internalized it all and that ended up with me having an ulcer, spastic bowel (yeah ick) and for a short period of time on antidepressants.  When I discovered that I could get it out in those few short lines I did. 

Now I don’t do as many.  Back when I started I wrote over 300 poems to deal with my fear of being alone, of being forgotten by those I loved, of being used and more.  I still of course have those feelings but my life is so much better now than it was.  Not that I would blame those that caused those emotions in me.  It was a hard time for all of us living them.  My struggle was and is no more important than anyone elses but it had to be worked out.

I have had a few readers tell me I must be working out things in my fiction as they can be dark and emotional reading.  And I guess I could be, less so than in my poetry but yes.  All writers, no matter how they write, are working from inside themselves.  We write what we know.  Now as I approach 50 next year I realize that that comment did not mean we write what we have lived through but how we have lived.  If we understand the struggle to live a good, helpful and decent life we put it in our work.  If we have lived selfish lives, well you know where I am going with this. 

While I do nasty things to a lot of my characters, I have not lived through those things.  Not in the form they are presented.  Each person has things torturing them as they live.  While we try to protect those we love even those who have what seems an ideal childhood will have scars inside from something.  I am sure that my older daughters, who I did all I could to keep them happy and healthy have scars I can’t see.  Just as I know my youngest will have some as she grows.  Protect them as you can but let them grow right?

Onto a lighter note I have started the next Guardian Harry story.  Its current working title is Sudden Disappearances.  I know I was supposed to work on and finish up traveler this month but Harry is a persistent guy.  I get an email from my old home town newspaper each morning with the top stories and when I read about a disappearance of a young man a story formed.  Not the whole story of course but the germ.  Harry pushed aside Edana and Reece and said you gotta tell this.  I will finish Traveler this year.  That I can promise.  Edana and Reece have waited too long to have their story told.  Just got to let Harry have is way.  One story closer to the paperback collection I plan for him.

Well have babbled today haven’t I?  I know I should do this each day but sometimes you just want to sit down and read (or in my case reread) a good book or four.  Yes I said four.  We all know I devour good books and I can’t help that I get sucked into a Sherilyn Kenyon or a Mercedes Lackey and lose a day or two of writing.  I need to recharge my writing batteries.  While many writers say it is a job and you have to put in the 8 or more hours a day I find if I don’t take breaks my stuff feels wrong.  I am writing because the words are there, not to make money.  Though we all know money would be grand!  Enough to make life easier on my hubby would be just the right thing for sure.


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